Perspective Changes as we Age

While we tend to show up at a high school class reunion to see people, that reunion is as much about connecting with our own past as it is about anything else; as a result, one of the more interesting features of reunions is the way that the dynamic changes as the attendees grow older.  Maturity plays a role in that change, of course, by it is also driven by the way that our relationship with our high school experience changes as we grow older.

The high school experience is unique, largely because it happens during a period of rapid physical and hormonal change, which creates significant internal chaos.  As we mature into the adults we are going to become we struggle with insecurities that can be paralyzing, mood swings that can be overwhelming, physical changes that can be bewildering (and downright gross), and intellectual and emotional disconnection from that authority structures that have defined our behavior up to that point.

In our psyche, we register our high school experience as one long trauma, and we forge a special bond with our classmates for the simple reason that they share that period of trauma with us.  It's similar to the bond between two soldiers who never meet, but who fight in the same battle.  If they ever do cross paths that bond will connect them, regardless of whatever differences they may have, because of the way that traumatic experiences shape our personalities.

The reason we have reunions is to honor that bond.  But in an important way the bond we have with our classmates isn't about our relationship with them; it's about our relationship with our emerging selves.  And although we connect with the people we went to school with at our reunions, our urge to attend is largely driven by our urge to connect with our own past in order to understand it.

As we grow older our memories of high school dim, and our perspective of the experience changes.  That is inevitable:  we must mature as we age, and perspective is an essential element of maturity.  Importantly, the change in our memory of the high school experience drives a change in our relationships with our classmates, and that is what makes each successive reunion so markedly different.

The first decade of our adult lives is very much about the first stages of building a life, and so by the time we attend our 10-year reunion we probably haven't done much reflection or gained much perspective.  The 10-year reunion tends to be an energetic party because it is an extension of our high school experience, and it's the only way that we know how to reconnect with that experience and the people who feature in it.

In contrast, a 40-year high school reunion tends to be more gentle.  The essential nature of the bond we have with our classmates has, by that time, sunken in.  We have had time to reflect, and we've also probably had time to start missing our youth.  As we value youth more, we also value the connection we have to those we knew when we were young.  That connection is the living symbol of our relationship with our roots.

At its root, every high school class reunion is about connecting with our own past as much or more than it is about connecting with the people we went to school with.  As we reflect on and gain perspective on that past, the reunions themselves become less stressful and more enjoyable.

To learn more about high school reunions, click here